Turns out I am NOT Superman
I was an athletic kid with an ultra fast metabolism growing up. I could pound an entire pizza then go outside and score more goals, touchdowns, baskets, and homeruns than everyone else out there. I took it all for granted. As I got older, I lost some of my athleticism due to neglect but had a career in floor covering which required a lot of daily activity and heavy lifting. I continued to eat what I pleased.
I also smoked like a chimney from the age of 11 to about whatever and as far as work was concerned, I did not hesitate to do jobs with asbestos and other hazardous material. I, like many young men, thought I was invincible. I learned to rely on God concerning my spirit and mind but never gave thought to my physical dependance. That is until recently.
When I switched careers and entered into full time ministry, I underestimated the physical toll sitting at a desk all day would have on my body. Of course, I continued to eat like I always did, which consisted of anything fast and greasy, for the most part. I was surprised to see that I gained weight! Then I started getting sick a lot. I thought it was just allergies and didn’t think too much of it.
Take a deep Breath and thank God for it
But several months ago, around February 2022, I was shoveling some snow, very little snow in fact, and I lost my breath. I mean, I could not breathe. I ran to the store and purchased an over the counter inhaler and found some relief. A few weeks later got sick again and found it very difficult to breathe. I saw a Dr who prescribed Prednisone and again, found relief, but not for long. Shortly after that, I was sick again. This was happening with increasing frequency and severity until eventually, I just could not breathe. Walking more than 4 steps would have me gasping desperately for air. I wasn’t sleeping at night because of it and would have to prop myself up and doze off for 1 hour intervals while getting up and spending an hour trying to catch my breath. I eventually went to the ER and learned that I have COPD. As I write this, it is early in my diagnosis and I am uncertain of how this will play out and look like.
It is Well with my Soul
By this point in my walk with Christ, I know that my peace is not dependent on outside circumstances. When I find myself not at peace it is because I am depending on something other than God. I must always walk in a place where I can truly say, “It is well with my soul.” But, as I mentioned, I never applied this to my physical condition. So when I could not breathe, I panicked. I thought, the most important thing is to get healthy. I asked God to heal me but did so in panic. I did not ask Him for His glory but so that I could go back to my agenda. It made me realize that my health had become an idol. In that moment, being healthy was more important than my relationship with God.
I was able to repent and ask God to teach me how to rely on Him for my physical health. And to trust Him and His sovereignty, even if it meant He was not going to heal me. I often do not see why God does what He does, but I know He is good. “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 I did not want my health to be more important to me than Him nor did I want my health to get in the way of my relationship with Him. So I was able to find peace when I approached God in this way.
Humility
I also learned that I am not above the rules. If I do not take care of myself, if I don’t eat right, exercise, or get enough sleep, I will pay for it. My body in this state is temporal. I need to take care of it or pay the consequences. God did not save me from the consequences of my stupid decisions when I was younger. Smoking and asbestos cause COPD. I did both. I have COPD. I am not bigger than the rules just because I am me or because I am a Christian.
I also realized my immortality. When my time is up, it is up. No breath should be taken for granted. He provides each and every breath and if I am in good health, He gets the praise. In a moment, it can all change.
Time is short
“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12
We will not regret the chances we took and the times we failed. However, we will regret the time we wasted. 41 years old and I saw my mortality. I am already living on borrowed time so 41 years is a miracle. But there is so much more I want to do and I thought I had forever to do it. But this is not so. I must make the most of everyday God gives me. Jump on every opportunity to serve Him and bring Him glory. We are all on a short road leading to death. For us Christians, death is not the end, but for many of our fellows it is. We must seek to proclaim the Gospel and witness to the Glory of God with each and every day, while we can.
Count it Joy
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
I was lacking and did not know it. I was depending on health, not God. I Was prideful and taking my breath for granted, not grateful for His provision. I was considering time mine, not His. As a result of COPD, my faith was tested and I grew closer to God as a result. He has also made me a better minister to those I shepherd as I now can bring personal experience to those who are suffering from physical conditions.
What trials are you going through? What is God showing you through those trials? Are you finding peace in them? Is it well with your soul? One of the stipulations of James 1:2-4 is IF you count it all joy, you will grow. But on the flip side of that, if you don’t, you will just suffer and never know the beautiful lessons God has for you in it. So, while you may not be feeling particularly joyful, count it as joy, because you know God is good, He loves you, and has a plan in all things including trial, difficulty, and suffering.